4 Habits “Mommy Martyrs” Have that Prevent Sexual Pleasure & Orgasm

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“There’s always just too much on my mind for me to get turned on.”

“I feel guilty whenever I indulge in sexual pleasure.”

“I’d love to have sex, but after all this time without much sexual pleasure, I feel out of tune with my body.”

Imagine this scenario: you’re a mom who sacrifices everything for your kids and family. Your daily to-do list seems to have more items on it than a typical grocery receipt, and you’re frenzied all the time – taking care of everything and everyone. You feel way too rushed nearly every moment of daylight, and you can’t wait for night time to roll around. Just the thought of getting some sleep makes your eyes droopy with anticipation.

And your sex life? Forget about it! The last time you regularly indulged in explosive, orgasmic sex – well, it seems like it was ages ago.

Sound like you? Then you might nod your head in agreement when I say that you are a “Mommy Martyr.”

As a Mommy Martyr, the stresses and demands of Motherdom have gradually washed away much of the time and energy you used to have for recreation, fun, and pleasure. And by “pleasure,” of course, I mean your sex life.

“Sure,” you tell yourself, “I had more time for myself some years ago – but now I’ve got kids to take care of so no wonder I no longer have much of a sex life!”

But that’s a problem. If your life is deprived of fulfilling, red-hot sex, then this can have severely negative effects on both your physical and mental health. And, besides, a lack of a libidinous sex life can erode your relationship with your romantic partner – becoming an invisible yet destructive force behind arguments and unhappiness. As I explain in The Orgasm Prescription for Women:

“…orgasms can help us stay connected to our partners. It’s all due to the bonding hormone oxytocin, which is released during arousal and orgasm. Oxytocin and love are intimately linked as this hormone has a huge role in helping couples feel closer and stay together.

The pair bonding effect is long-lasting and can be maintained through sex, cuddling and intimate contact. Plus, oxytocin acts as a natural pain reliever and stress releaser.”

So if you don’t have an orgasmic sex life because you’re a martyr to motherhood and family, then something needs to change. Otherwise, you may suffer from emotional and physical burnout with unfortunate consequences for both yourself and your loved ones.

But oftentimes the Mommy Martyr attempts to justify to herself why she isn’t having much sex. Here, for example, are a few things the Mommy Martyr says to herself about sex – and here’s what you can do the next time you catch yourself saying something similar.

1. “There’s always just too much on my mind for me to get turned on.”

Honestly, most of us have a hard time getting turned on and “in the mood” when our minds are churning with to-do lists, chores, upcoming bills, and more. And as a Mommy Martyr, this pounding mental stress is more prevalent than ever. So even if you do manage to find time during the day to get frisky, you just find it hard to get in a sexy, lustful mood.

And feeling in the mood – what we might otherwise term the psychological component to orgasmic sex – is critical to actually having sexual desire:

“…there is a delicate balance of turn-ons and turnoffs which will determine whether a woman will become physically aroused and/or motivated to engage in sexual activity when presented with sexy stimuli, or sexual cues.” – from The Orgasm Prescription for Women

So what if you do have difficulty becoming motivated to have sex? What then?

As I wrote in The Sun, “Most people think that orgasm happens in the genitals when it actually happens in the brain. Of course, if you are not mentally stimulated and sufficiently relaxed, the peak of orgasm will seem as unattainable at the summit of Mt Everest. “But the usual sex advice doesn’t address the real problem. Follow my techniques and you will reach orgasm with newfound ease.”

What You Can Do:

Want the toe-curling, sheet-clutching kind of sex, even if you’re a stressed out mom? Then create a “transition ritual”! Here’s how:

• Unload your mental to-do list at the end of the day. Actually write down exactly what needs to get done; in this way, your mind will be freer to temporarily forget about all you need to do – carving out a mental space where sexual thoughts and feelings can roam freely. You can check out the Transition Meditation Ritual explained in the The Orgasm Prescription in the bonus material here.

• Also write down (on paper or on your favorite digital device) everything you’ve successfully accomplished during the day. This gives you a real sense of relief – and boosts your sense of accomplishment, so you feel more receptive to hot, juicy sex.

Another thing you can do is practice more mindfulness. In other words, take the effort to be fully present so you can actually detect pleasurable, sexual sensations, cues, and thoughts. In this way, you’ll find yourself getting turned on with more ease. The Transition Meditation ritual is particularly helpful in letting go of the busy mental energy of the day as you shift into a more receptive, sensually open time in the evening.

2. “I feel guilty whenever I indulge in sexual pleasure.”

Results of a British sex survey found that 3% of women in a 2000 person sample felt guilty after orgasm. Because your children and family are so important to you – they need you in their lives in a meaningful way, after all – you always put them before your own needs. But as I explained is that TV interview if you consistently put your needs below everyone else’s, you’ll eventually be at risk of depression, burnout, and poor physical health. And this can have disastrous effects on the overall quality of your life and relationship.

…which is why if you catch yourself feeling guilty over the idea of enjoying explosive sexual pleasure, then take this as a warning sign that a shift in perspective is needed.

What You Can Do

You need to affirm your right to pleasure. Sadly, there are many women out there (not just moms) who don’t feel like they deserve sexual pleasure or pleasure in general. There are many reasons for this belief (sexual shaming by society and culture is one of them), but fortunately you can reprogram your mindset so you begin to prioritize pleasure in your life – leading to greater health and happiness. Here are a couple of ways you can do that:

• Schedule regular “sensual treats,” sending your mind a clear, resonant message that you have a right to pleasure. What do I mean by “sensual treats”? It’s simply “me time” where you can treat yourself to a massage, pedicure, hot bath, a movie, and so on. Plus, be sure to be fully present to savor and enjoy those treats. This will help your brain recognize pleasure in all its forms so you can get hot and wet for sexy time much easier.

• Enroll in the (free) 21 Days of Bliss Mindfulness Program. This 21 day program contains daily rituals, meditations, and inspiration so you learn how to tune into your sensuality and really experience a breakthrough in your sexual experience.

4 Habits “Mommy Martyrs” Have that Prevent Sexual Pleasure & Orgasm & How to Ditch Them.

3. “I’d love to have sex, but after all this time without much sexual pleasure, I feel out of tune with my body.”

Maybe conceptually you understand that you need sex if you’re going to have a healthy, passion-filled life. After all, most moms have no intention of remaining celibate for the rest of their lives!

But even if you logically grasp this, you may nevertheless find it hard to get physically turned on. You feel out of touch with your raw sensual energy, and want to recapture that energy and channel it in your own life.

What You Can Do:

• As mentioned before, there’s the 21 Days of Bliss program, where you’ll engage in activities, meditations, rituals, and other exercises so you begin experiencing more fiery pleasure and orgasmic bliss. The 21 day program is free and easy to do in just a few minutes each day. The rewards are numerous and well worth your time!

• You can also experiment with amplifying the pleasure you do notice throughout the day. If you notice yourself feeling a little turned on, then really savor it – focus on that pleasurable sensation for at least 30 seconds. Doing this consistently will rewire your neurobiology over the long-term, making it easier for you to orgasm during those hot bedroom romps every woman – including the “Mommy Martyr” – deserves.

Yes, you are a mother. You have children you take care of and the weight of the world on your shoulders. But you are also a woman – and as a woman, it’s perfectly natural, healthy, and beneficial to seek out sexual pleasure and indulge in lustful activities that leave you happy, energetic, and fulfilled.

And if you find that your stress level or health status are also playing a part in your lack of sexual interest, you’ll find great remedies from both Western and Chinese medicine along with mindfulness practices in The Orgasm Prescription for Women. You can listen to a sample of the audiobook here or download a sneak peek of the first chapter here.

4. I’m too stressed and overwhelmed to even think about sex !

Some women find that being depressed or anxious kills their sexual desire, while others find that sex helps boost their mood and ease their anxious tension. Some find that being too tired for sex kills desire. Which is most like you?

If you’re too stressed for sex, check out this article…

If you’d like an easy way to implement these make these practices into lasting habits you can join the 21DaysOfBliss.com for 21 days of free sensuality and pleasure rituals, audio meditations and daily affirmations.

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Curious to see what other personality traits may be impacting your experience of pleasure and sexual release? To watch a video about all 7 of the personality types which predict sexual hangups or orgasmic difficulty, visit www.SensualVitality.tv.

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This article includes excerpts from The Orgasm Prescription for Women: 21-days to Heightened Pleasure, Deeper Intimacy and Orgasmic Bliss by Andrea Pennington, MD, C.Ac.,  printed with permission from the author and publisher. You can listen to a sample of the audiobook here or download a sneak peek of the first chapter here.