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“She’s really intimidating, isn’t she?”
“Have you noticed how relentlessly competitive she is?”
“She really likes to be in control of her environment.”
Are you an Alpha Boss?
You walk into the boardroom or company meeting with a steel-plated attitude, and you expect nothing less than the best from your peers. Whether at work in a cutthroat corporate environment – or powering forward with business ventures of your own – you are tough, relentless, and don’t stop until you get what you want. You are, in short, the incarnation of every black woman who has fiercely taken on the business and entrepreneurial world – and won. If this describes you, then you are what I lovingly term the “Alpha Boss,” what others may call an “Alpha B*%@.”
What do I mean by “Alpha Boss”? Alpha Bosses are those women who have channeled “masculine energy” to get ahead in realms that have long been dominated by (and still are) sexism and overt masculinity. So Alpha Bosses aggressively pursue their objectives while rarely tapping into their feminine spirit.
Think you fit within the Alpha Boss archetype? Well, if we drill down to the underlying psychology of this archetype, you can quickly see why your life experiences have transformed you into an Alpha Boss. For example, so as to be seen as credible and competent in an environment charged with sexism and hyper-masculinity, you have adopted “masculine” traits. Deep down, you may always be trying to prove that you’re as good as – no, scratch that and make it “better than” – a man.
And this has proved wildly successful for you. You’ve risen to the top, and commandeer an indomitable empire of your own. But there’s something that’s lacking in all of this picture – a healthy, pleasurable sex life. In short, you’re having trouble being the “girl” in your (heterosexual) relationship. So despite your hard-earned and well-deserved victories in other areas of life, sometimes you feel like your sex life has ghosted you!
Why does this happen to the Alpha Boss? Why is it that the Alpha Boss archetype is so often accompanied by a not-so-satisfying sex life?
For starters, many “Alpha Bosses” have trouble connecting with their man on a deep, intimate level (because Alpha Bosses are frequently disconnected from their own sexuality). Sex becomes more of a routine – almost animatronic – performance, instead of an experience gushing with orgasmic pleasure. Emotional connection is often important for sexual satisfaction, so this lack of connection puts a strain on the Alpha Boss’s sex life.
That’s not the only way that your sexual enjoyment is hampered as an Alpha Boss. Hard as it may be to accept and acknowledge, Alpha Bosses unwittingly emasculate their lovers – so both you and your man might not be reaching the full potential of sexual pleasure. How do Alpha Bosses emasculate their guys?
Since they’re always competing with men (whether openly stating that or not), men can find them severely intimidating. And in the corporate environment, that’s fine – in fact, that’s fabulous! But when it’s time to dim the lights and drop your clothes and get down and dirty with your man, you’re still subconsciously competing. So you’re almost always the one in control – even though he, too, might want to be a less passive participant and a more aggressive one.
The result is that both of you wind up sexually frustrated! You feel confused, because he’s trying to find his place in this sexual relationship with you, and so are you. UGH!
What can be done?
Well, I’ve worked for years as a sexual health mentor. I’ve met people with all sorts of sexual troubles in the bedroom. So, over time, I amassed a lot of experience that has been fully described in the book, The Orgasm Prescription for Women. And, gleaning from this book, here’s what I’d recommend as the solution to this vexing problem.
The simple answer is that there are several activities or “rituals” you can do that’ll help you transform from a hard-driving Queen Bee to a purring, sex kitten when sexy time comes around.
By trying these activities, you can re-capture your feminine energy when you want, and you’ll be more receptive to hot, fulfilling sex. Have a look! (These activities and meditations can be accessed for free at www.OrgasmPrescription.com/bonus)
Have an “I Love My Body” week. This is where you get back in tune with that luscious feminine part of you! This activity might seem a little odd, at first – but give it a try (I think you’ll enjoy it!). Here’s what you do: for one whole week, you’ll dress yourself up, put on your perfume, and adorn yourself as if you’re a sensual goddess. Hook up your favorite speaker and play some music you love – and dance away, around your house (with or without your partner)! Why? Because, by doing so, you’ll be learning your body – learning the sexy, sensual aspect of your being – and you’ll do it in a way that’s playful and loving to yourself. This practical activity helps you appreciate yourself for all of your beautiful, feminine sexuality.
Use the power of meditation with an Erotic Fantasy Scenario. The idea here is that by meditating on an erotic fantasy scenario, you’ll learn to appreciate and understand exactly what turns you on and leaves you sexually satisfied. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve got to actually act out your erotic fantasy, but it does provide clues about your sexuality you may have never uncovered before. Watch an erotic film, or read an erotic book – or simply imagine a wild fantasy of yours and really indulge in that experience.
To do this most effectively, begin by retreating into a safe, quiet location (it might be your bedroom, or it might be your bathtub!). Take a few slow, calm, deep breaths as you quiet the cacophonous chorus of thoughts racing through your mind. Then, choose a location where your fantasy will take place. Maybe it’s your hometown. Maybe it’s a tropical island in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it’s in an upscale hotel room. Really let your mind create details about this location – and this location should make you feel free to unleash your sexuality without constraint.
What’s next? You’ll need a co-star for your fantasy! It can be anyone – a current partner, a crush, someone your imagination creates, another woman – it’s all good! As you walk yourself through this erotic fantasy, allow yourself to truly feel everything – thereby putting you in true connection with your sensual side.
These are just a couple of approaches I’ve found helpful. So if you’re an “Alpha Boss” – that go-getting, driven woman who’s not afraid to call the shots in life – then give these techniques a try. With a more satisfying sex life, you’ll find yourself more content and relaxed, no matter how hard you’re pushing yourself throughout the year.
You can listen to the various audios of meditation techniques such the Erotic Fantasy, Future Orgasmic You and Breath Awareness meditations, among others, by visiting www.OrgasmPrescription.com/Bonus
Curious to see what other personality traits may be impacting your experience of pleasure and sexual release? To watch a video about all 7 of the personality types which predict sexual hangups or orgasmic difficulty, visit www.SensualVitality.tv
If you’d like an easy way to implement these make these practices into lasting habits you can join the 21DaysOfBliss.com for 21 days of free sensuality and pleasure rituals, audio meditations and daily affirmations.
This article includes excerpts from The Orgasm Prescription for Women: 21-days to Heightened Pleasure, Deeper Intimacy and Orgasmic Bliss by Andrea Pennington, MD, C.Ac., printed with permission from the author and publisher. You can listen to a sample of the audiobook here or download a sneak peek of the first chapter here.
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