Low Sexual Desire or too stressed for sex? One of These Might Be Holding Back Your Horniness

Bad breath. A lack of confidence. Silly-looking underwear. All of us ladies have things we consider to be “definite turn offs” in a guy – the sort of stuff that chase away our lady boners for good. More insidious– however – than these major turn offs, are the things that slowly-but-surely sap away your desire for sex and kills your libido.

That’s a frightening prospect, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not. And, unfortunately, many women blame themselves for their lack of sexual desire – and wind up thinking that something is wrong with them. Fortunately, however, the effects of the majority of “libido killers” can be reversed through the safe and appropriate application of science and natural medicine. But one of the first steps towards getting your horniness back is to understand what exactly can deprive you of sexual desire.

You’ll find a wealth of information on common risk factors of decreased sexual desire in my new book, The Orgasm Prescription for Women. Here, however, you’ll find several of these risk factors summarized below.

While reading this over, be sure you make a mental note if any of these might be “holding back your horniness.” Ready? Read on…

• Medications that destroy desire. A lot of women don’t know this, but many prescription meds impede your sexual desire. For example, a fair number of medications taken for depression can decrease your libido, including the class of medications known as SSRIs (of which Prozac is an example). Other medications that can dampen your desire include blood pressure pills and antihistamines.

So if you’ve noticed a decrease in your libido, think about what kind of medications you might be taking. And if you do have reason to suspect that a medication is at fault for your falling libido, consult with your doctor about what you can do to avoid having to take that medication.

• Hormones can affect sexual desire, too. In women, hormone levels tend to change during menopause and after gynecological surgery (such as ovary removal) – and by use of certain contraceptives such as birth control pills and intra-vaginal rings. And because hormones play such a vital role in shaping our sexual desire, these hormonal changes may be at fault for a drop in libido.

So let’s say you now know that your libido is suffering because of medications or hormonal shifts. What can you do about it, though? Must you be condemned to live a life depleted of sexual interest?

No, absolutely not! For instance, there are a number of herbs that can fire up your sexual desire. Damiana leaf and Maca root are both well-respected options in the Traditional Chinese Medicine for women seeking to increase their libido. In fact (and I cover this in detail in The Orgasm Prescription), a clinical study has revealed that ingesting 1,500 mg of Maca root twice a day can counteract the negative sexual side effects of antidepressant medication.

And there are many more such herbs, too – which are often effective in countering the effects of hormonal changes caused by menopause. Red clover, licorice, and Asian ginseng are just a few of them. Finally, eating phyto-estrogen rich foods (such as soy products) can pump your body with a natural source of estrogen, minimizing the unwanted impacts that menopause has on your sex life.

If your libido has dipped down, don’t get too alarmed or start thinking that something is intrinsically wrong with you. Instead, understand that there is a rational biological reason for that drop in libido – and arm yourself with the knowledge that you can, in fact, reclaim your sex life and enjoy “getting down and dirty” again.

• Generalized Stress, health challenges and overwhelm

If you find that you’re too stressed for sex, your lack of hormones has you sluggish or you have some medical challenge that zaps your overall vitality, or a combination of all these, read on!

THE REMEDIES

Admit It and Address It

There is no need for getting down on yourself for feeling too stressed for sex. Denying that you need to take a time-out just perpetuates the orgasm blocking stress response. When we are irritable and distressed by the demands of life it changes the brain circuit to one of protect and defend, rather than the snuggle and get sexed up brain flow.

Couples often tell me that they “hide” from their partner out of shame or guilt because they are too stressed to be sexual. Staying at work later, conveniently falling asleep on the couch and going to bed late are sneaky ways to avoid dealing with the real issue. Sadly, this avoidance creates more tension in the relationship and in the brain.

If you find that you’re not in the optimal mood for love, take a few moments to center yourself, try some of the deep breathing or meditation techniques described in Chapter 5 and let the irritability go. Studies involving people with social anxiety disorder have proven that mindfulness-based stress reduction, which includes mindful breathing, stretching and meditation, can dramatically improve anxiety and depression symptoms, as well as self-esteem. Simple focus on the breath can help to decrease negative emotions, reducing the stress-induced activation of the amygdala and increasing the ability to focus.

Stress & overwhelm zap sexual desire

While there are many exercises you will discover in Chapter 5, you can quickly access some guided meditations for relaxation and stress reduction right now by visiting the Bonus section at www.OrgasmPrescription.com/bonus

If you are just too wound up, ask your partner to hold you. Often, letting go of the pressure to be “sexual” allows you to boost your mood with cuddling and talking, which are both mediated by the “tend and befriend” hormone, oxytocin. And being honest about your feelings releases the burden of handling everything on your own. Allow your partner to support you, after all, life is about more than sex.

Get Plenty of Sleep, Hydration, and Good Nutrition

If fatigue is forcing you to consistently cut the evening sexy time off, pick two or three days of this week and weekend where you will either get eight hours of sleep or take a twenty to thirty-minute afternoon nap. Sleep is like a restorative tonic which not only helps the mood but allows the body to replenish necessary fluids. Don’t overlook the simple benefits that being well rested can do for your sex life.

Also, make it your business to nourish yourself with whole, natural foods and drink at least one liter of water each day. Limiting

Nutrition is Key to Healthy Libido

your consumption of processed foods, refined carbs, sugary snacks and caffeinated beverages will help fill your body and brain with vitality and increased blood flow. Taking care of yourself internally will help nurture your sensual self, too. When we eat too much junk food, eat fast while on the go, or rely on coffee and soda to keep us going we shift the body into a “clean-up,” survival mode that does not leave much energy for the vital flow of blood and fluid to the skin, vagina and mouth.

Be Proactive in Life Management

Finally, feeling overwhelmed by life stressors such as work, kids, household chores or finances are surefire ways to zap erotic desire. Make a plan to address your life stressors proactively. Make a schedule to pay bills each month, hire a babysitter so you can have a day to chill out and be realistic about the tasks you take on. Practice saying no to people and projects that drain you and yes to your own need for calm and compassion. The days of pretending that being a Superwoman was worthy of some sort of trophy are gone. If you’re not taking the time to adequately manage the important elements in your life, you will always feel less than sexy and desirable and your brain will deprive you of arousing and restorative blood flow to your vagina and clitoris.

I remember my client, Magda, telling me that once, during lovemaking, while her husband was having sex with her she yelled, “Strawberry sorbet! That’s it!” No, she wasn’t fantasizing about her next dessert, she was thinking of the paint color she wanted to use in the dining room! Needless to say, the sex was less than riveting that night—for Magda and her husband.

Try not to go over work checklists, household to-do lists or grocery lists during a sexual encounter. So. Not. Sexy. If you can’t be fully present to your own body and the pleasure of the moment, then really take a good look at your life and the things that bring you stress to get aligned with a healthier lifestyle. Make yourself and your pleasure a priority!

If you find that multi-tasking or being an over-productive Superwoman is causing you to miss out on sex, check out this article.

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Curious to see whether your personality may be impacting your experience of pleasure and sexual release? To watch a video about all 7 of the personality types which predict sexual hangups or orgasmic difficulty, visit www.SensualVitality.tv

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This article includes excerpts from The Orgasm Prescription for Women: 21-days to Heightened Pleasure, Deeper Intimacy and Orgasmic Bliss by Andrea Pennington, MD, C.Ac.,  printed with permission from the author and publisher.